ain't no cure for the summertime blues


It's summer, or just about.

I'm taking up swimming this summer. Until going yesterday, I hadn't been swimming for probably over ten years. The pool I joined, pictured above, was the one I went to when I was a kid. My sister and I would go almost every single day, sometimes for a good four or five hours. It's sort of funny to be back there after all this time. But the water was lovely.

As a glasses-wearer and a person with pink hair, I can't submerge myself fully. I can't see if I take my glasses off, and as for my hair, I fear it turning some weird putrid shade and/or just damaging it even more than it already is. So although I'd love to flip around under the water, that just isn't in the cards. But the exercise will be nice.

In other news, I am having a really difficult time right now. While I finally got my health insurance situation sorted out (it took several weeks and was massively stressful for me), getting that done started off a domino effect, so right now my life is an endless kaleidoscope of waxing and waning and intertwined medical stuff. New doctor. New psychiatrist. New medications. New diagnoses of various things that are wrong with me. Tests that are still in my future.

To be honest, I'm extremely depressed. My mental health has been shaky this year already, and to be dealing with physical stuff on top of it... it's difficult, and I feel very alone and very overwhelmed. I almost feel like for a while, my life is not going to be anything other than dealing with this stuff. It's probably going to take me some time to process and adjust.

In the end I have to be thankful for modern medicine and how great it is to be able to catch health issues before they cause too much damage or become immediately life-threatening. I have to be thankful that there are medicines I can take for what ails me. Despite what's wrong, I am still a fortunate person because I could have it so much worse, be so much worse off.

However, that said, this summer is going to be a struggle for me.

I don't really post about stuff like this here as a rule. If it weren't for the fact that I feel like there is a sense of expectation that I can and will make doll-related videos regularly, I wouldn't mention it at all. But what's going on right now is majorly affecting my energy levels, my headspace, my motivation. I'm doing all I can to scrape by day to day right now, so I may come back and post soon about other stuff, but I may not. That's what's going on. ("Nothing's fine, I'm torn!")

11 comments:

  1. *hug* it's totally understandable not to have the motivation for dolly videos (or anything) at times like this. If you ever need to talk I'm here :)

    Also, I appreciate the Torn reference there. Nice.

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    1. Thanks, Andi!! :) It's helpful just to be heard.

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    2. You're welcome :) and I totally understand that!

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  2. Hopefully you will start feeling better soon, not because of your videos but because of you. You're such a sweet person! I think it is ok to say that "we" all wish you a good recovery.

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    1. Very belatedly, thank you very much, Zee!!

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  3. Ugh, times like these are so, so difficult! I hadn't read this post yet when I emailed you earlier and mentioned the time I had a few years ago when I felt like I was barely hanging on for dear life and almost the only thing that was keeping me steady was playing Animal Crossing! Point being, you've got to go for whatever little things seem helpful at those times, and I'm glad that you have (re)found swimming this summer! Hopefully it is a good outlet. Also, I want to reiterate that anyone who deals with our healthcare system and comes out again on the other side is a got damn hero. A friend of mine recently tried to get a referral (required by his insurance) for mental health care and the list of people they gave him included TWO people who have had their licenses revoked for fraud and a THIRD person who is currently under investigation for some other illegal thing. It should not be this difficult to get basic health care!

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    1. That is ABSOLUTELY INSANE! What really gets my goat is how much some people who need mental health care -- and, like me, assistance navigating through the healthcare system -- intrinsically cannot do it due to their mental health conditions. It is a horrifying catch-22. I really hope your friend eventually lands with someone who can help him.

      Thank you for your email! I'm just replying to it now and remembered you had left a comment, too!

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  4. Q: Why is it good when an elephant steps on your toe?

    A: Because it feels so great when he steps off!

    I just thought that applied, I don't mean to be flippant- I can totally relate to health concerns and shitty summers. I experienced both in 2014 and am still picking up the pieces. In fact, I think I started collecting Blythe in 2014 to ease the stress! So my advice is to buy yourself something, go for a swim and wait for the elephant to ease off.

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    1. Haha! We deserve Blythes in these troubled times, y/y??

      Sometimes it takes so long to recover from this kind of stuff. I hope you get back to whatever is your norm soon. :) Thank you for your comment!

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  5. Dear Jane,
    I am one of your video subscribers, and I have missed your charming, witty, and informative productions. I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time, and I hope that the love and support of your family and friends will help you to get better soon. I wanted to thank you for giving me such sweet enjoyment sharing your love of Blythe.

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    1. Teasha! I only just saw this comment, here in NOVEMBER, but thank you truly for the kind words. Even though things have improved, when I read this, I thought, "I actually saw this at the right time, I think." :) Thanks!!

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