This has been one of the most difficult summers of my life. If you have positive vibes to spare, please send them my way. My dad has been in the hospital for four days and will likely be there for several more, as he had some major heart surgery. I'm sorry I don't have happy news to report, anything fun to share, or anything else really going on... I really wish I did.
As you know, I don't like to post bummer stuff here. That's just what's up.
My Blythes have been packed away in my closet since late May (I started out June by painting my bedroom). I just unpacked them again today. I dressed Mallow, but left my other girls naked.
It's so instinctive for me to dress Mallow in light colors and pastels, but since none of my dolls were wearing anything at all, all of the clothes and shoes I have for them were available to pick from, and I decided to try and do something different. I ended up using this brown and blue checkered dress, blue tights, a navy tutu as a petticoat, brown CoolCat boots, and this new deer-eared headband by dinosaurparties which I got in a trade.
To see the outfit come together was rewarding, and to try something new for Mallow was, too. It's super hot out, not really time for tights or fur-trimmed boots or anything autumnal, but who cares?
That is it! I just wanted to post at least once while it's still July.
So, dealing with health issues is only one thing I've been up to. For the past two weeks or so, my room has been torn up in various ways, as I've been painting it pink. (Duh!) My room has been green for at least ten years, and I've been planning to paint it pink for 2+ years; I've had paint samples I got back in 2014 sitting in my room all this time.
Last week, I was at Home Depot five out of seven days, picking up samples and finally gallons of paint, and new outlet covers, as mine had been essentially painted to the wall. I was painting patches on the wall and wasn't satisfied with any shade; I was having a hell of a time getting the pink to be light enough. I was moving all my furniture in stages, gathering up tons of stuff in bags (my dolls are all each individually wrapped and in my closet), spackling nail holes, taping, and finally painting.
I chose a very pale pink that was technically under the "red-toned whites" section.
The above picture is off my phone and I took it while in the process last week, so it's weird and grainy and not completely color-accurate, especially since that was only one coat deep. The green was gnarly to cover up, I don't mind saying. It literally took three coats to not be able to see green through it. It also took many days of revisiting, as I did my room two walls at a time.
In the midst of all this, I was going to doctor's appointments and getting bad news and immediately dealing with it. I was sleeping away from home half the time so I wouldn't be inhaling paint fumes all night. So coming home to my room being not so much the sanctuary it typically is, all my stuff packed away or otherwise inaccessible, has really contributed to my sense of stress. I really didn't know I was going to be dealing with health stuff or I might not have started the project.
Painting my room was, in the first place, something I was finally doing for myself, something in the vein of self-care. A change, something else I could put focus and energy towards (e.g., substitute obsessive thoughts about bad things with obsessive thoughts about painting) -- something to make me happy. The process hasn't been super smooth, but now that I'm rounding the bend with my progress and have the actual painting part totally done, I'm really looking forward to getting my room back to being functional and tidy. I think that will actually help my mental state a lot.
It's time for me to tackle the cluster of furniture, move stuff back where it's supposed to be, get rid of things I think I can part with, and ponder about more small changes to my space.
Currently I'm also repainting my bedside bookcase, and I still need to spray paint my mirror, but I haven't been able to make myself get back to Home Depot just yet.
It's summer, or just about.
I'm taking up swimming this summer. Until going yesterday, I hadn't been swimming for probably over ten years. The pool I joined, pictured above, was the one I went to when I was a kid. My sister and I would go almost every single day, sometimes for a good four or five hours. It's sort of funny to be back there after all this time. But the water was lovely.
As a glasses-wearer and a person with pink hair, I can't submerge myself fully. I can't see if I take my glasses off, and as for my hair, I fear it turning some weird putrid shade and/or just damaging it even more than it already is. So although I'd love to flip around under the water, that just isn't in the cards. But the exercise will be nice.
In other news, I am having a really difficult time right now. While I finally got my health insurance situation sorted out (it took several weeks and was massively stressful for me), getting that done started off a domino effect, so right now my life is an endless kaleidoscope of waxing and waning and intertwined medical stuff. New doctor. New psychiatrist. New medications. New diagnoses of various things that are wrong with me. Tests that are still in my future.
To be honest, I'm extremely depressed. My mental health has been shaky this year already, and to be dealing with physical stuff on top of it... it's difficult, and I feel very alone and very overwhelmed. I almost feel like for a while, my life is not going to be anything other than dealing with this stuff. It's probably going to take me some time to process and adjust.
In the end I have to be thankful for modern medicine and how great it is to be able to catch health issues before they cause too much damage or become immediately life-threatening. I have to be thankful that there are medicines I can take for what ails me. Despite what's wrong, I am still a fortunate person because I could have it so much worse, be so much worse off.
However, that said, this summer is going to be a struggle for me.
I don't really post about stuff like this here as a rule. If it weren't for the fact that I feel like there is a sense of expectation that I can and will make doll-related videos regularly, I wouldn't mention it at all. But what's going on right now is majorly affecting my energy levels, my headspace, my motivation. I'm doing all I can to scrape by day to day right now, so I may come back and post soon about other stuff, but I may not. That's what's going on. ("Nothing's fine, I'm torn!")