April showers

So, April was troublesome for me! As I posted before, March was a month of growth for me, and in a way I think April continued that trend, but with more of a "strength forged in the flames of adversity" angle. That sounds pretty dramatic, haha. But I did things this month that really tested me in terms of my anxiety disorder, and if I look back to where I was a year ago, let alone four or five (or even ten, since I first went into therapy in '05), the fact that I can tell that I have made progress -- even if it's very gradually -- is amazing to me. Honestly. If my self from the mid-aughts could see me now, she would probably cry. She never would've been able to imagine any of it.

Really, no normie would look at me or my life and think I am accomplishing anything big. People who can just do typical life stuff without it pinging on their personal Richter scale and having mental health ramifications... they don't get it -- they can't get it. Which is lucky for them. But I'm just happy that I got through April somehow, and even though it had its challenges.

Jeez, I'm literally listening to Break My Stride right now.

Anyway, yes, I did have computer troubles, health insurance troubles, personal and existential woes, and here at the tail end of the month I'm having a hilarious little health blip (no biggie!! Just kind of an "oh, of course, let's add to the pile" annoyance).

But I am relieved that I got the computer and health insurance stuff sorted (at least, I hope!!!!) and there's a lot of stuff I'm really grateful for:

  • that my little health thing isn't much worse
  • spending really nice time with my younger sisters
  • having work be calm enough that I could withdraw from the world a little and focus on other stuff
  • smooth sailing on a day where I had tons to do
  • rewatching Bunheads with my friend L
  • cheap nail polish... check these galaxy nails!!

Picked up some fabric the other day while at the craft store with my sister. I'm thinking new backdrops for video purposes, but also embroidery...!! I'm so weirdly stoked on the idea of embroidering right now but I'm not sure what to embroider, haha.

But let me tell you, winding embroidery floss onto tabs the other day was absolutely soothing. Now my yen to return to the craft store and fill out a few colors I'm missing or low on is tickling my brainpan.

Accio May!

video: Vintage Ken Doll Duds

Hey there! Here's a video I just recently uploaded about some vintage Ken doll tops that I scored for Beatrix via eBay.

On a technical note, some reason the video is really cool-tinted and it's bothering me so much. It looks normal on my desktop (where I do all my video editing), but that monitor has a warmer tint, and my laptop monitor is more cool-tinted. So it looks like it has this major gray cast to me now that I see it on my laptop. However, my last video didn't have that issue, so I don't know why this one does. Furthermore, I often notice color differences between the video file and how it looks on YouTube, so this extra and random degree of color variation is super annoying!!!

Since everyone has different monitors/phones with varying settings, I'm sure it looks different to everyone. Yikes.

As of late, I've been:

  • studying frequently
  • exploring my new Nintendo 3DS XL (I've never had a handheld gaming system before, and I'm from the Gameboy/Game Gear generation and literally everyone I knew had one, so it's pretty exciting for me; my birthday's coming up and I'm going to ask for DS games!)
  • dealing with a super stressful health insurance situation
  • wasting time on the Miitomo app

I'm unspeakably exhausted from this health insurance thing. I feel like I am neither eating nor sleeping enough, like I just can't recharge fully. If I don't resurface again till May, don't be terribly surprised!

I'm soothed just looking at this post.

Uh, I've posted about my abrupt obsession with Claire's-style rings here before. Recently. A couple of times. As well as my odd little love affair with geodes. 

WELL, I was hanging out with my sister a few days ago and she lives about three doors down from a local shop that, you know, sells Grateful Dead tees and glass pipes and incense and... I'm sure you get the idea. But they had a case of rocks, and I got a few that I liked. I wish I had written down the names, but I didn't, so I don't even know what they are. But I like having them on my shelf.

ALSO, I had a really rage-inducing morning, so I stomped out the door and drove directly to Forever 21 so I could buy some stupid cheap rings, because sometimes, you just need some retail therapy. Seriously, I spent $26 for about 21 new rings, and it was very soothing. I was highly vexed, but new bling and Carly Rae Jepsen helped me down from my ledge.

For further therapy I grouped some rings and stones together, color-wise, and took pictures. (I really like taking pictures of rings, I guess?? But also I like grouping things by color. Pleasing.)

I honestly just keep these rings in a little plastic baggie that something came in; I need one of those ring tray things. To display my collection. Of worthless but soothing rings.