ain't no cure for the summertime blues

It's summer, or just about.

I'm taking up swimming this summer. Until going yesterday, I hadn't been swimming for probably over ten years. The pool I joined, pictured above, was the one I went to when I was a kid. My sister and I would go almost every single day, sometimes for a good four or five hours. It's sort of funny to be back there after all this time. But the water was lovely.

As a glasses-wearer and a person with pink hair, I can't submerge myself fully. I can't see if I take my glasses off, and as for my hair, I fear it turning some weird putrid shade and/or just damaging it even more than it already is. So although I'd love to flip around under the water, that just isn't in the cards. But the exercise will be nice.

In other news, I am having a really difficult time right now. While I finally got my health insurance situation sorted out (it took several weeks and was massively stressful for me), getting that done started off a domino effect, so right now my life is an endless kaleidoscope of waxing and waning and intertwined medical stuff. New doctor. New psychiatrist. New medications. New diagnoses of various things that are wrong with me. Tests that are still in my future.

To be honest, I'm extremely depressed. My mental health has been shaky this year already, and to be dealing with physical stuff on top of it... it's difficult, and I feel very alone and very overwhelmed. I almost feel like for a while, my life is not going to be anything other than dealing with this stuff. It's probably going to take me some time to process and adjust.

In the end I have to be thankful for modern medicine and how great it is to be able to catch health issues before they cause too much damage or become immediately life-threatening. I have to be thankful that there are medicines I can take for what ails me. Despite what's wrong, I am still a fortunate person because I could have it so much worse, be so much worse off.

However, that said, this summer is going to be a struggle for me.

I don't really post about stuff like this here as a rule. If it weren't for the fact that I feel like there is a sense of expectation that I can and will make doll-related videos regularly, I wouldn't mention it at all. But what's going on right now is majorly affecting my energy levels, my headspace, my motivation. I'm doing all I can to scrape by day to day right now, so I may come back and post soon about other stuff, but I may not. That's what's going on. ("Nothing's fine, I'm torn!")