springy ride-on

Doll-against-tree pics are classic maidensuit, no??

Yesterday my friend L and I got on Zoom and dressed some of our Blythes! I leaned cottagecore for Petaline. Not only does she have an embroidered underskirt on beneath her gingham dress, but a netted petticoat beneath that, and finally bloomers. White stockings, Prairie Posie boots, and her own stock straw hat make her look like she's on the way to tend her garden.

Not gonna lie: felt extremely self-conscious taking these pictures. Used to be something I was so used to.

What to say here, or indeed to anyone at all? I've forgotten how to talk to people. I blink and two weeks have passed and I can't recall the previous day, let alone the previous week. I try to set my mind to something but my drive and interest dwindles fast even though I don't want it to. It's hard to make stuff stick, for some reason. Mental health progress, decisions, activities. I think it's partially my extreme isolation and partially my brain chemistry. When days are so samey, nothing much sticks out.

I'm pushing myself to take initiative in April. To spend time every day really doing something, something real-feeling, something that I want to do, that makes me feel like me. Something that might hopefully give me some kind of serotonin or dopamine. Whether that's write, work on video projects, draw, clean, cook, practice the guitar, do something for someone else. It sounds basic, and I often do one of those things every day. But it feels transient, like I can't keep hold of anything. I forget what I've done all the time? Days just blur by. But I want to write down what I did and try and train myself to feel satisfaction about it.

Here's what I've been up to in March/April thus far:

• getting back into bullet journaling (I kept a bujo for all of 2020, but stopped in 2021)
• buying too much stationery/bujo supplies
• keeping up my revived habit of playing the guitar daily, for fun and not for practice
• started a new ripple throw!!!
• planning dolly cosplay, like to the extent of purchasing pieces for it... really want to dress Lamb as a particular character!
• working on videos (not Blythe-related, although I have like three doll videos I'd like to make)

I only just remembered right now that I spent Saturday reading a true crime book. That was entirely gone from my brain, and it just happened. I only remembered because I opened a YouTube tab and saw a video about the case in my recent history. I also got a book in the mail today I forgot buying.

Plans for tonight: eat mac and cheese, write a few paragraphs of fanfic, bullet journal!